


Pandora's Box(es)

by Lisamc21



Series: TikTok Made Me Do It [2]
Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: David is tired of it, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Married Life, Patrick likes to save boxes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:42:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28473366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lisamc21/pseuds/Lisamc21
Summary: *commercial narrator voice* Have you or someone you know been affected by someone in your life obsessively collecting boxes? Please call 555-555-5555 as you may qualify for compensation and a recycling bin.Or, Patrick likes to keep boxes and David is tired of his shit.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Series: TikTok Made Me Do It [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079531
Comments: 24
Kudos: 160





	Pandora's Box(es)

**Author's Note:**

> I was scrolling TikTok this evening, as you do on New Year's Eve, and I saw a [video on TikTok](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJtvLu6J) with someone saying "things about adulting that nobody talks about. The amount of time we spend debating whether or not to throw out a box."
> 
> Well, I've been trying to clean and organize my home this week and have So Many Boxes. So, I decided to project on Patrick (as one does) with this quick little fic.

“Patrick, what’s this?”

Patrick stopped stirring the pasta sauce and turned to look at David. “Looks like a box to me.”

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” David rolled his eyes. “Why do we still have a box from the iPad you got two years ago?”

Uh oh. Patrick turned to look back at the stove. “In case we need it.”

David walked over and stood close enough to Patrick that he couldn’t ignore him. “Need it for what? Taking up space?”

“In case we need to send it back and use the warranty or something.”

David waved the hand clutching the box, nearly taking Patrick’s eye out. “God, you’re right. If we need to send the iPad _that’s no longer under warranty_ back to Apple, we certainly wouldn’t be able to find any other suitable packaging.”

Patrick grabbed David’s wrists and leaned forward to give him a kiss. “You’re right, honey. Let’s recycle the box.” Hopefully David didn’t go poking around for more. He’d be really pissed if he found the box from two iPhones ago.

* * * * *

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Huh?” Patrick lifted his head and looked at his deliciously naked husband squatting to rummage around in their sex toy drawer. David never used that tone during sex unless it was part of a scene. “Wha? Toys not there?” Patrick was too worked up to form a coherent sentence. He slowly stroked himself to stay warmed up for David.

David looked over his shoulder and glared. “They’re here.” He stood and held up a box. “With the box for Jareth. Why the hell did you keep the box for a forty dollar vibrator? If you say _for the warranty_ , I swear to god I’m going to get myself off and not touch you the rest of the night.”

Jareth. Yeah. He could totally go for Jareth right now. Fantastic vibrator. Fantastic movie.

“Are you thinking about David Bowie’s codpiece right now?”

“No.” Yes.

David walked over to the bed, towering over Patrick. His hard cock stood proud only inches away, so Patrick leaned over to try and get his mouth on it. “Nope.” David stopped Patrick with a finger on his forehead. Patrick couldn’t understand why David wasn’t on him or in him yet.

“The box. Patrick. What’s with the boxes?”

Patrick blinked and looked up at his exasperating and adorable husband. “I’ve got a plug in my ass right now and you’re talking to me about boxes?”

David’s heated gaze wandered down Patrick’s body. He tossed the box behind him and climbed on Patrick. “How’s that plug feeling, baby?” David flicked his tongue over Patrick’s nipple.

Patrick hissed and shoved his fingers in David’s hair. “Good, but not as good as Jareth would feel.”

“I’ll show you a codpiece,” David grumbled.

* * * * *

“It’s perfect. Look at it.”

“Happy for you.” David didn’t look up from his phone.

Patrick pointed at the box. “But everything fits perfectly. _Look_ at it.”

“Unless you’ve got your dick in that box, I’m not interested.”

He couldn’t believe how well all the items fit. Arranging the care package for his parents was like playing Tetris, and he’d won the final round. He’d probably saved that box six months ago or more. After sealing it with tape, he pressed the top and it didn’t give at all. Perfect fit.

“Wait. Is that box from the store? Did you bring a box from work home?!”

Patrick didn’t look at David. “It’s a good shape. Sturdy. I knew I’d use it.”

“Did I marry a serial killer?”

* * * * *

It was a miracle Patrick managed to make it home with the pizza untouched. David would definitely notice a piece or two missing. He unlocked the front door and walked toward the kitchen. “Honey, I’m home.” He froze when he reached the living room. “Um. What’s this?”

Boxes were stacked along the wall next to their fireplace. Electronics, kitchen appliances, wedding gifts, the electronic toothbrush he bought last month, a stack of flattened boxes he kept in the garage.

“Patrick.”

“David.” He sighed and went and dropped off the pizza in the kitchen. He could tell by the tilt of David’s head and the arch of his eyebrow that pizza would have to wait.

“Seriously. What’s with the boxes?”

Seeing all the boxes together was… a lot. It didn’t seem like a big deal when he saved one here and there, but all together?

“There’s more boxes here than I have sweaters.”

“I mean, they’re good boxes.”

“For what? Taking up precious square footage in our home?” David’s voice went high. “Do you keep every box or is there, like, a method to your madness?”

Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. It was ridiculous. David was right. “My parents’ house got broken into when I was in high school and they needed info off of boxes. And I always needed boxes when I moved in college. So I guess it kind of stuck?”

David’s face softened and he walked over, wrapped his arms around Patrick’s shoulders, and kissed him on the cheek. “Okay, that’s a legitimate reason.”

Patrick slid his hands in David’s back pockets. “But you’re right, that’s a lot of boxes.”

“Mm. I love it when you say I’m right.”

Patrick leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. “I’ll get rid of the boxes.”

“I have an idea about that.”

“Yeah?” Patrick pulled until their hips slammed together.

“For every box you get rid of from this pile, I’ll suck your dick for a minute.”

Patrick immediately started thinking about borrowing Roland’s truck to make a trip to the recycling center. “Deal.” He kissed David with tongue and promise.

“You’re so easy.”

“You never complain.”

David laughed. “I have another idea about new boxes.”

Patrick kissed David’s neck. “Listening.”

David hummed and leaned his head back. “For the big stuff that would be tough to find a new box, let’s keep those until the warranty is up. For small and cheap things, we take a photo of any info we might need on the box so you can store those in a sexy little spreadsheet, and we dump the box. For the shipping boxes, you can keep a stack between the two shelving units in the garage.”

“You’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“I thought I’d propose a compromise. I know how hot you get for that.”

“So hot. I can show you how hot.” He could probably get them up into their bedroom and naked in under two minutes if he focused.

“Mm. Pizza first.” David stepped back and winked before walking past him to the kitchen.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm over on Tumblr at [lisamc-21](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lisamc-21).


End file.
